The Modern Dictionary of The Snake Oil Charlatan

A Field Guide to Spiritual Bullshit

I’ve been swimming in spiritual content for over thirty years. Writing it for about twenty (that was my first website as a yoga teacher). Last year I joined Substack in the spiritual category. I OD’d reading spiritual material. Today I’m done.

Done with the soft meaningless voices. Done with the fairy dust and the unicorns farting rainbows. Done pretending that using Sanskrit for emptiness gives it more fullness. Sorry, empty is empty. That is the point.
But 'Come Experience Nothing' is a tough sell.

Have you ever sat in circles where people charged hundreds to tell you what your spirit animal was. (A wolf. An eagle. A lion. Nobody ever gets a dung beetle or a tadpole). I’ve watched 25 year old coaches with six months of training explain the universe to people twice their age. I’ve read Instagram captions so vague they could apply to literally anyone, which is the point:

You can’t be wrong if you don’t say anything.

There is a gap between earned wisdom and borrowed wisdom.
The latter is the one that uses empty words.
The first sits with you in the tragedy.

The other day, I read something like this.
You know the genre: World Consciousness Expo at the LAX Hilton.

✨ Beautiful Soul ✨ Your journey begins here. Join us in the sacred jungles of Costa Rica where we will hold space for your deepest unfolding. Honor your process as you lean into the profound wisdom that awaits. Trust the unfolding. Surrender to what wants to emerge. In this sacred container, surrounded by fellow seekers, you will finally show up for yourself and step into your highest alignment. The universe is calling. Are you ready to say yes to YOU? 🦋🌿💫

$4,500. Ayahuasca not included.

Let me translate: Give us your rent money to sit in a circle, cry and vomit your guts open, while a white lady named River burns sage she bought on Amazon (you read well, on Amazon, not in the Amazon). We’ll use words that sound meaningful but commit us to nothing. If you don’t have a breakthrough, it’s because you didn’t “trust the process” enough. Your fault. No refunds. We take Venmo, Zelle, and your dignity.

The worst part? I’ve written this crap. I’ve “held space.” I’ve “honored processes.” I’ve “trusted the unfolding” and for a while I thought I knew what that meant. I did. Until these words were emptied of content, milked by thousands Instagram memes on algorithm steroids. I thought being agreeable was compassionate.

I don’t think that way anymore.
So I made a list. A dictionary for the spiritually suspicious. A field guide to the words that mean nothing. Use it freely. Protect yourself.

Hold space
What they say it means: Create sacred presence for transformation.
What it actually means: I will sit there, nod and look concerned.
Say instead: “I’ll listen.”

Your journey
What they say it means: Your unique soul path.
What it actually means: Your life, but make it sound like a Netflix limited series, FOMO included.
Say instead: “Your life.”

Lean into
What they say it means: Embrace with courage.
What it actually means: Just do the damn uncomfortable thing.
Say instead: “Face it.”

Honor your process
What they say it means: Respect where you are.
What it actually means: I have absolutely nothing useful to tell you right now.
Say instead: “Take your time.” Or just stay silent

Trust the unfolding
What they say it means: Surrender to divine timing.
What it actually means: I have no idea what's happening either, but this sounds wise.
Say instead: “I don’t know. Neither do you. Let’s see.”

Sacred container
What they say it means: A held space for transformation.
What it actually means: A room with floor cushions and dirty yoga mat we're charging a lot for.
Say instead: “A safe place to talk.”

Show up for yourself
What they say it means: Prioritize your growth.
What it actually means: Buy this thing, the upsell, and the mastermind. And the retreat.
Say instead: “Pay attention to what you really need. It might not cost you $4,500.”

Deep wisdom
What they say it means: Profound truth.
What it actually means: Something that sounds good on a mug or a bumper sticker.
Say instead: Just say the thing. If it’s wise, we’ll notice. If it needs a sunset background and a cursive font, it's not.

What wants to emerge
What they say it means: The soul’s calling.
What it actually means: I don’t want to give you direct advice and risk being wrong.
Say instead: “What do you actually want? Be specific.”

Activation
What they say: Energetic awakening of dormant potential.
What it means: You’ll feel something. Might be transcendence. Might be the edibles kicking in.
Say instead: Nothing. Just stop using this word.

Embodiment
What they say: Integration of wisdom into the physical form.
What it means: We ran out of ways to say “feel your feelings”
Say instead: “Get out of your f* head.”

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Look. I’m not against retreats. I’ve done more ceremonies than most. I’ve sat and held circles myself. I’ve cried with strangers. Most of it I’m grateful for.

But the industry has become a parody. A costume contest where everyone’s dressed as Rumi but nobody’s actually read him (No, Instagram does not count!). Where “healer” or “teacher” is a job title you can claim after a weekend workshop and a logo from Fiverr.

If we truly want to make a difference we need to serve the people who need the most help, the skeptics, the burned-out, the ones who smell bullshit from a mile away because they’ve been down that path before.
Yet they stopped listening years ago. And I don’t blame them. I stopped too.

Here’s my test now:
Would a smart, skeptical friend roll their eyes at this sentence?
If yes, then delete.

If you need sparkle emojis to sell enlightenment, you’re using enlightenment to sell sparkle emojis.

Say it plain. Say it simple. Say it like you’d say it to a friend at midnight who just asked you what the hell they should do with their life when they are at their darkest.
From there they cannot tolerate bullshit.

That’s the voice people will trust.

And that’s the only conversation worth having.

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This list is not over, I just started. What’s on your list?
Drop the words that make you cringe in the comments.
Let’s build this dictionary together.

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PS: “Change Your Story, Change The World” is a storytelling endeavor that looks deeply into the psyche that creates the stories we live by—with the intention to help us shape better stories, both personally and collectively.

Because the stories we tell are the reality we live.