Surrendering to Death, Awakening to Life

🌀 Learning to live fully by embracing death as a sacred teacher.

The Day Everything Changed

At twenty-four, on a crisp Monday morning heading to work, my life changed due to five inches of road that vanished overnight. With the natural confidence of youth, I thought I understood some things about life. Nature was about to teach me otherwise. As my car hit that sudden drop on the hairpin turn, it pitched skyward, and time suddenly stretched like a melted marshmallow. My hands still gripping the wheel, I watch everything float up as if in zero gravity. A strange calm settled over me as the windshield framed the treetops spinning against the blue sky.

A Symphony of Chaos

My mind, suddenly lucid and detached, whispered the inescapable truth: this is it. Life ends here, in this space, at this time. Yet, instead of fear, I felt an unfamiliar calmness, a serenity. The first impact came with a sound like a bomb - metal screaming, glass exploding into diamond dust. The roof crumpled, pinning my hands on the wheel. Shards of fiberglass from my shattered ski gear danced in slow motion inches from my throat. Each roll had its own terrible music - the crunch of metal, the tinkling of glass, the hollow thud of impact.

Finding Peace Amidst Turmoil

Outside was pure chaos, the world tumbling like clothes in a dryer. But inside, something extraordinary happened. Instead of fighting the motion, I became it. Like a leaf caught in a whirlwind, I found perfect stillness in surrender. The boundary between my body and the spinning car dissolved. Two final bounces, then sudden quiet as we settled upside down. Blood pulsed in my ears. Snowmelt dripped everywhere. I hung suspended in my seatbelt, intact except for a few scratches on my hands. The bucket seat had cradled me like a mother's arms, the rollbar holding death an inch from my spine. The wet meadow had cushioned this dance of destruction.

The Eye of the Storm

Later, a police officer would stare at the wreckage and say, 'No one survives crashes like this.' He meant it differently, but he was right, no one survives. The person who crawled out of the car was not the one that entered it. The difference is that I had found something in that moment of surrender - the eye of the storm, where chaos and stillness kiss. This passage is an extract of a book I have been working with for some time. It is also and most importantly my first encounter with death. In my life, I will meet death many more times, a few other times with the same unprepared spontaneity that life keeps the secrets of, and hundreds more times within the more prepared framework of induced NDEs offered by psychedelia.

Learning to Coexist with Death

I have come to value death’s company. Death can be our greatest ally. So much is lost in the tension we create by fearing it. Day dazzles us with sunrise and sunset, and night unveils the Milky Way and the mysteries of astrology. Can one exist without the other? Death is not the absence of life—life has never ceased because of death. Life extends far beyond it. How is death informing your life right now? Life is a journey of trust and surrender—trusting life itself. Who would you be, how would you live, if you trusted life completely? Without the fear of death?

This is surrender.
And death is the master teacher.

PS: I wanted to share a few ways that you can also benefit from death’s presence. You will find more resources and practices behind the paywall!

1/ A Simple Trick from an Experienced Coach

I often ponder the notion that when we pass away, our entire life flashes before our eyes. Whether this is true or not, the symbolism it holds is profound. This concept serves as a guiding light, especially when faced with tough decisions. From the perspective of any given moment, it's challenging to fully grasp the outcomes of our choices. However, by projecting myself into my final moments and reflecting back, I find that decision-making becomes significantly clearer.

Practical Exercise: The Life Review Technique

Step 1: Find a quiet place and lay on your bed. Close your eyes and imagine that these are your last moments. You are about to leave this earthly plane, and your life is about to flash before your eyes.

Step 2: Take your time to review your past, your relationships, the memorable moments, and even those you might be trying to hide. Reflect deeply on each aspect.

Step 3: Ask yourself, "When my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments, what do I want to see?" Allow yourself to visualize what you'd really like your life to have included. Is it the book you wanted to write? The person you wanted to connect with? The places you wanted to visit? The projects you wanted to bring to life?

Step 4: Once your visualization is complete, take actionable steps towards these visions. There's no guarantee of how much time you have left, so start now, without hurry.

Decision-Making Simplified

For decisions, this method offers clarity. Whether you're contemplating job offers, relationships, or significant life changes, reflecting as if at life's end can illuminate what truly matters, bringing much-needed clarity in moments of uncertainty.

2/ Exploring the High Road: Near-Death Experiences (NDEs)

Of course, exploring near-death experiences (NDEs) through certain psychedelic substances is another profound dimension. Many individuals report transformative insights where, at the moment of a simulated death, the truth of life reveals itself. While some of these substances are controlled and their legality varies, the experiences reported are often described as miraculous. If you're interested in exploring NDEs where legality permits, connect with me for more information, I’ll probably be able to direct you to the right resources.