Learning to Better Read The Nervous System
A Practical Guide to Understand Stress, Safety and Shutdown
Introduction
I have noticed a growing interest in nervous system regulation recently, and with it, a fair amount of confusion (including my own).
I recently found myself in a state where I could not differentiate depletion from depression, and none of my usual tools could fully address. Despite experience, discipline, and care, something essential was missing.
That gap led me into a deeper exploration of polyvagal theory.
What follows is where this exploration begins.
What Is Polyvagal Theory
Polyvagal theory deepens our understanding of the autonomic nervous system (ANS) by adding nuance to a model most of us already recognize.
At its core, the ANS governs how we mobilize energy and how we recover it.
One branch supports activation.
This is the sympathetic NS, often associated with fight and flight. In this state, the body gears up. Heart rate rises, attention sharpens, energy becomes available. Within a healthy range, this state supports work, creativity, responsiveness, and engagement with life.
When sustained too long, this state leads to accumulated stress, fatigue, and eventual depletion.
Another branch supports regulation.
This is the parasympathetic NS, often associated with rest and restoration, largely mediated by a long cranial nerve called the vagus nerve. This state supports digestion, repair, emotional regulation, and social connection. It is the biological ground of safety and presence.
Polyvagal theory refines this picture by showing that the parasympathetic NS itself operates in two distinct modes.
The ventral vagal pathway supports calm connection. In this state, the body feels safe enough to relax while remaining engaged with others and the environment.
The dorsal vagal pathway supports deep conservation. When energy is depleted or overwhelm persists, the system shifts toward shutting down, numbing sensation, and reducing engagement. Movement becomes effortful. Motivation drops. The world can feel distant or muted.
This response reflects the ANS prioritizing survival by conserving resources when mobilization is no longer sustainable.
Seen through this lens, our daily experiences are shaped less by personality or mindset and more by the state of the ANS beneath them. These states shift throughout the day in response to stress, connection, fatigue, and safety.
Learning to recognize is about listening to how the body organizes itself in real time.
Why it Matters
Polyvagal theory offers a simple but profound shift in how we understand human experience. It suggests that much of what we call emotion, motivation, or personality is actually the ANS responding to the world in real time.
At every moment, the body is asking a basic question: am I safe?
The answer to that question shapes how available we are for connection, action, or rest.
When safety is present, the nervous system opens.
Breathing deepens, perception widens, and the body supports connection, curiosity, and creativity. This is the state from which we can relate, think clearly, and feel grounded without effort.
When safety feels uncertain, the system shifts toward mobilization.
Energy rises, attention narrows, and the body prepares to act. This can feel like drive, urgency, intensity, or agitation, depending on the context and the person.
When the system has been under strain or threat for too long, it moves further toward conservation (a state sometimes called Freeze & Faint). Energy drops, movement slows, and the world feels distant or flat. It may feel like failure or collapse, when in fact it is the body protecting itself.
Understanding this changes the conversation.
Instead of trying to understand character traits or psychological diagnoses, the more useful question becomes:
What state is my nervous system in right now, and what does it need?
So before we think, feel, decide, or relate, the nervous system has already chosen a strategy. This lens offers a way to recognize what is happening beneath the surface, and to respond with greater precision, patience, and care.
4 Questions to Recognize Your State in Real Time
To keep this practical, I use simple words to describe each state.
Ease: ventral vagal (calm, present, available.)
Engaged: healthy Sympathetic activation (mobilized, focused, alive)
Overdrive: stressed activation (wired, tight, driven past usefulness)
Numb: dorsal vagal (heavy, distant, shut down)
1. Is my body energized or heavy?
Light, grounded energy. The body feels available. Neither rushed nor sluggish.
→ EaseEnergized and ready. The body wants to move, act, engage.
→ EngagedWired, tight, restless. Energy feels sharp or brittle rather than supportive.
→ OverdriveHeavy, dense, drained. Even simple movement feels costly.
→ Numb
2. Am I moving toward or away from people?
Natural openness. Connection feels easy and non-demanding.
→ EaseMoving toward others with purpose. Engagement feels motivating.
→ EngagedMoving toward others with urgency, defensiveness, or irritation.
→ OverdrivePulling away. Desire for distance, silence, or disappearance.
→ Numb
3. Do I want to act, hide, or disappear?
Choice feels flexible. Action or rest both feel available.
→ EaseClear impulse to act, initiate, or respond.
→ EngagedCompulsive action. Difficulty stopping or slowing down.
→ OverdriveDesire to hide, numb out, sleep, or not be seen.
→ Numb
4. Does rest feel nourishing or deadening?
Rest restores. Energy returns naturally.
→ EaseRest feels acceptable and useful, even if brief.
→ EngagedRest feels irritating or uncomfortable. Slowing down increases tension.
→ OverdriveRest feels flat or empty. It does not restore energy.
→ Numb
The Four Shifts Worth Knowing
The nervous system shifts through simple, physical cues.
1. From Engaged to Ease / Sympathetic to Ventral
This is the most common and needed daily transition, after work, effort or stimulation.
Breathe out longer than you breathe in
For example: inhale 4 seconds, exhale 6.Stretch slowly
Especially the spine, neck, and hips.Add warmth
Take a hot shower, sit in the sun, use a blanket or warm drink.Slow your pace on purpose
Walk more slowly. Speak more slowly. Do one thing at a time.Finish one small task
Wash the dishes. Make the bed. Close one open loop.
The body learns that effort is over and safety is present.
2. From Overdrive to Ease / Sympathetic Overdrive to Ventral
This applies when energy feels sharp, tight, or restless.
Reduce stimulation
Lower light, noise, screens, and input.Ground through the senses
Feel your feet on the floor. Hold something solid. Notice temperature.Be with a calm person
No processing. No problem-solving. Just proximity.Repeat something simple
Walk a familiar route. Fold laundry. Rock gently.
The nervous system stops bracing and energy becomes usable again.
3. From Numb to Ease / Dorsal to Ventral
This transition is slow and most often misunderstood.
Dorsal/numb rarely moves straight to ventral/ease.
It passes through gentle activation first (engaged /sympathetic).
Move lightlyThis section will land with non-academic readers and still feel soli
Walk. Stretch. Sway. Do not exercise.Add warmth first
Heat before effort.Use rhythm
Music. Repetitive movement. Breathing with a count.Be near others without talking
A café. A class. Sitting in the same room.Follow simple structure
Wake, eat, walk, rest. No big decisions.
The body gathers just enough energy to come back online.
4. From Ease to Engaged / Ventral to Sympathetic
This keeps ventral alive rather than passive.
Choose a clear goal.
Set a time limit.
Engage in meaningful effort.
Stop before exhaustion.
Energy mobilizes without panic or pressure.
Important Note
We cannot force Safety to our nervous system, but we can send the right signals, through small, physical actions.
This work is about learning how to move through activation and rest without getting stuck in either.
Without a basic understanding of the nervous system, it is easy to misread experience:
Collapse gets interpreted as failure.
Activation gets mistaken for motivation.
Dysregulation gets labeled as personality.
Polyvagal theory does not resolve life’s challenges.
It offers a map, so effort is directed where it actually helps.
One Last Word
Understanding my nervous system did not make life easier overnight.
It changed something more subtle and more important.
I stopped turning physiological states into personal verdicts.
And that alone shifted how I walk through difficult days.
Subscribe — or even better, become a paid subscriber. Once I reach 100 paid subscribers (I’m already halfway there!), Substack will add a tag that could help me gain more visibility.
Engage (free and powerful!) — Visit the website, find the post you enjoyed most, and leave a comment at the end. Extra karma point if your comment is impertinent, sassy or even contains a question!
PS: “Change Your Story, Change The World” is a storytelling endeavor that looks deeply into the psyche that creates the stories we live by—with the intention to help us shape better stories, both personally and collectively.
Because the stories we tell are the reality we live.